In my last update, I shared that I was awaiting an appointment with a GI specialist. In the days leading up to that appointment, I prayed hard for a doctor who would really see me and hear me out.
My prayer was answered! With the way the medical system is these days, it feels like a rare experience to have a doctor who actually listens to you rather than coming to conclusions in their head (that are usually wrong).
After explaining all of my symptoms, she listed out several conditions that could be causing my issues (she didn’t focus on gastroparesis though which gave me a little bit of hope). But we all agreed, getting imaging would be the best first step to figuring all of this out.
We decided to start with an upper endoscopy. At the time of writing this, my endoscopy is scheduled for tomorrow 🙂
Bright Spots with Food
Over the last week or so, I have felt my body become less and less receptive to solid food. So my diet is looking like little bits of smoothie, cups of salted and peppered chicken bone broth, fruit juice, and an occasional egg or tortilla chip.
Sam will make me a batch of chocolate-banana protein high calorie smoothie and a batch of triple berry smoothie to keep in the refrigerator for easy access. I’ll often dispense a little of each side by side in a bowl so I get to taste both and swirl them a bit in the middle.
But you want to know what I have found?…drizzling my smoothie with a little bit of almond butter feels sooo decadent. So that’s a little bright spot in my day.
Sigh…It’s feels sad. It really is. But at least it’s something.
Body + Mental Health Updates
This week, I’ve noticed that my body seems to be suppressing its own hunger cues. This is both extremely concerning and also a bit relieving. I feel starving less often which helps me feel a little more like myself, and I’m able to go to bed without my stomach churning from extreme hunger. Again, both concerning and relieving.
In addition, I have noticed a boost of energy recently. I think my body is adapting to the caloric deficit. Again, “normal Caroline” finds this very concerning and detrimental to her health…but “gastroparesis (or whatever this is) Caroline” is thankful to feel less dead and a little more functional while she waits for answers.
I still feel constantly exhausted. Even grating a block of cheese the other day for my family’s taco night felt like climbing a mountain. But I am trying to live life as normally as possible to avoid feeling depressed. Because, believe me…the depressed feelings come on realll fast when I’m not busy.
Closing Thoughts
I am holding on to the truth that dark valleys don’t last forever. But you know what I’ve realized?…In the midst of this agony, I am seeing prayers I prayed months ago getting answered through this trial (I’ll share more on this in a separate post).
I am trying to remind myself that God is still perfect in all His ways even when it doesn’t feel like it to me. Say what you want…but honestly, God is my only hope in this situation so I’m just clinging tightly. I know He is going before me.
So tomorrow, with my endoscopy procedure, all I have to do is show up. God will do His thing. He’s already there. I just need to surrender and let Him do it.
Hey! I’m so glad you’re here. If you know of anyone who would be helped by reading my story, please share this post and some of my others with them.
Wherever you find yourself today…take time to nourish yourself — body, mind, and soul <3
Warmly, Caroline
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